Over the years, I have found comfort in great works of literature. Several, creative pieces of fiction have offered a means of well-needed escapism. Though there are so many ways to relate to Harry’s loyalty to his friends or the struggles in Frodo’s journey – I have most truly met myself through works of nonfiction. It’s a pleasure to share my top 10 favorite nonfiction books with you. These amazing authors have helped me in gaining new perspectives on mental health, self-improvement, and processing trauma.
1.
Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Adults: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
“Remember, your goodness as a person isn’t based on how much you give in relationships, and it isn’t selfish to set limits on people who keep on taking.”
Gibson’s incredible book is the main reason I chose to make this list in the first place. The amount of tears and aha moments I had while reading this can not be overstated. For a long time, I avoided even acknowledging my own childhood trauma. I grew up being constantly reminded that my parents had it worse, so I invalidated myself and my own experiences with emotional neglect. I hadn’t considered how my parents’ trauma had impacted their ability to deal with my emotions in a mature way. It was hard to look at, at first, but ultimately very healing. My biggest revelation with this book was the discussion of internalizers vs externalizers, a concept I had never heard described so well. Gibson deconstructs the ways in which all individuals process emotions differently. If we don’t digest them in a healthy way, then we will either turn it inwards (internalizing) or project it onto those around us (externalizing). I’m the textbook definition of an internalizer and, in their own ways, both of my parents are too. Our parents learn their own ways to process emotions, due to their own childhood experiences, and pass those lessons onto us at critical times in our development. The lessons stick with us deeply. I recommend this book to those who want to break the cycles of trauma and emotional neglect in their family for future generations.
2.
The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondō
“But when we really delve into the reasons for why we can’t let something go, there are only two: an attachment to the past or a fear for the future.”
I grew up with a complicated relationship to clutter. My mother rarely throws things away and my father’s obsessive compulsive tendencies require constant tidying. This #1 bestselling book swept the nation in 2014 and for obvious reasons. The method Kondo lays out to the reader requires the real time and effort of intentionally organizing your space. The author goes into excellent detail on the use of the KonMari method for decluttering every aspect of your life – room by room. She encourages the reader to pay attention to the feeling they get from every item in their home. Does it spark joy? Has it served its purpose? The art of letting go begins in your home. Kondo deconstructs everyday chores into meditative, mindfulness activities that can be full of joy and gratitude. Since I read this, not kidding, I actually began to enjoy doing laundry. I recommend this to those who want to start new organizational habits but don’t know where to start.
3.
Monique And The Mango Rains: Two Years with a Midwife in Mali by Kris Holloway
“Now you will see the real work of a woman.”
Around 2015, I was working my way through undergrad at a store in the local mall. I didn’t have a car at the time, so I had to carpool to work every single day. This meant some days required 2-3 hours of waiting for my ride and not having spending money to make the time more enjoyable. This book was a lifesaver during several of those long days. It was actually a course requirement for an anthropology class, and I am beyond happy to have been introduced to the story. The author encapsulates a moment in her life, as a Peace Corps volunteer in Mali, which changed her entire worldview. The touching story is of two inspiring women with completely different backgrounds from entirely different worlds who form a unique connection and bond. The shared experiences, through Monique’s work as a midwife, and the lessons learned are unlike anything else I’ve read before. There is also a lot to be learned about the health care system in West Africa and its impact on the women living there. I highly recommend this book to those who want to learn about a different culture and see more well-portrayed examples of female friendships.
4.
The Gift Of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients by Irvin Yalom
“Sometimes I simply remind patients that sooner or later they will have to relinquish the goal of having a better past.”
During my graduate coursework, this was the required reading above all readings. I don’t remember a single class that it was not referenced in. The author has worked as a psychotherapist for 35 years and has so many emotional, thought-provoking case studies to share. Yalom’s approach to therapy is a breath of fresh air among the usual theory-heavy material we study to train in the field. He provides real entertaining, human insight on what an authentic therapeutic connection looks like and how it can grow. For instance, Yalom encourages genuine use of some self-disclosure – sharing certain information about yourself with your clients, when appropriate of course. As a psychotherapist, Yalom’s modality is existential therapy – a framework around each individual’s free will and “concerns rooted in existence”. The topics of death, isolation, meaning of life, and freedom are not avoided. He really goes there! Yalom uses his time with clients to develop a genuine human connection as a “fellow traveler” of life. His belief that good therapy is relationship driven and not theory based is refreshing and profound. I recommend this to anyone interested in working in the mental health field or just anyone interested in the thought process of a legendary therapist.
5.
The Female Of The Species by M. K. Martin
“New models of behavior for men and women will undoubtedly permit greater personal self-development than traditional gender roles allow.”
This was another required book in a women’s studies course I took in 2014, maybe my favorite class I’ve ever had. Due to religious trauma, I grew up with a very distorted view of sexual identity and gender roles. My “women’s studies” was an insanely reading intensive course, but this book made it all worth it. My paperback copy is full of hundreds of highlights and notes in the margins. I only do that with books I plan on holding on to forever. Martin and Voorhies opened my eyes to so many different concepts of sex and gender throughout the world and how these ideas have evolved over time. Through the lens of traditional anthropology, they educate the reader on the distinct impact of culture on our often dichotomous view of gender. They portray the socialization process as it relates to sex and gender roles, as well as the structures in place that sustain them. For example, did you ever hear of the Tchambuli people of central New Guinea? Their social structure involves women as the stable providers and men as the artistic, emotional homemakers. This book uses a lot of big, smart words but it’s so informational. I learned a lot from Martin and Voorhies and will always keep this in my book collection as a resource.
6.
The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk
“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.”
I have heard so many fellow mental health professionals recommend this book as the “trauma bible”. The writing style is very technical but immeasurably informative. After repeated recommendations, I finally read this book last year and it has helped me view my own nervous system with much more patience and self-compassion. Van der Kolk explains the imprint of trauma and teaches the reader how to listen to their body – physical self-awareness. Where do you feel anger in your body? What do you notice? What does it feel like – hot, cold, tight? How do you experience fear? Learning to understand your body’s fight-or-flight reactions to triggers is the cornerstone to healing from trauma. It is the gateway into rewiring your brain to let go of the past and feel safer in the present. Furthermore, learning how to process those feelings in healthy, more measured ways has been life-changing. It has personally helped me trust my instincts and find power in being a resilient survivor with the ability to heal. If you or a loved one has experienced any type of trauma, I recommend this book as a great resource.
7.
Complex Ptsd: From Surviving To Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA by Pete Walker
“All too often, your decisions are based on the fear of getting in trouble or getting abandoned, rather than on the principles of having meaningful and equitable interactions with the world.”
This is very specific to my diagnosis, but I really do recommend this book as a roadmap in understanding and normalizing the impact of childhood trauma. It would be a tremendously useful resource in understanding a loved one with C-PTSD too. Whereas, “The Body Keeps Score” uses a lot of psychological jargon, Pete Walker details the lingering effects of trauma to the layperson. It is clear, concise, and easy to follow. The lists of affirmations and personal examples make this a worthwhile read. It feels recovery-focused, with a priority on “thriving”, rather than spending the whole book explaining and diagnosing the problem. I found a lot of insight in his explanation of the method of reparenting yourself. That has personally been the focus of my inner child work and has helped shift my mindset out of victimhood and survival mode.
8.
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Amir Levine, MD and Rachel Heller, MA
“Most people are only as needy as their unmet needs.”
This book offers real insight on the science of love. Truly comprehending your personal attachment style can redefine how you view the relationships in your life. I read this while I was beginning therapy, so it helped in analyzing my own behavior within my relationships. Levine and Heller offer practical advice, useful tips, and vivid case studies discovered through 25 years of research on attachment theory. The use of questionnaires offer a customized reading experience for deeper self-understanding. The authors provide actionable steps and strategies based on years of insight for the secure, insecure and avoidant alike. It is useful in navigating relationships and understanding those around you too. If you struggle with codependency, intimacy, or communication in your relationships, this book will be highly useful in breaking those patterns.
9.
Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb
“We are mirrors reflecting mirrors reflecting mirrors, showing one another what we can’t yet see.”
This bestseller was recommended (actually gifted) by my internship supervisor and I so appreciate that I took her advice and read it. This book is specifically relatable to my work in the mental health field. It completely reframed the way I view my own experience with burnout and compassion fatigue. I’ve experienced so many similar moments with clients, where the mental gymnastics of facilitating an authentic therapeutic session can become exhausting. There are days where you see nothing but progress and days where you question everything you’ve ever said. Believe me, this book holds value for the layperson alike, those going through a career change, a bad breakup, or the process of grief. Gottlieb explores how change is hard for everyone, even a therapist. This book is an inspiring and challenging perspective for any and all introspective humans on a healing journey of their own. The journey involves taking a look at the unreliable narrator in our head and challenging it head on. Her storytelling is so engrossing that I finished it in two days. I couldn’t put it down, and by the time I did, I felt like I was saying goodbye to a dear friend.
10.
The Power Of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage by Brene Brown
“No one reaches out to you for compassion or empathy so you can teach them how to behave better. They reach out to us because they believe in our capacity to know our darkness well enough to sit in the dark with them.”
I can not praise the work of Dr. Brene Brown enough. All of her books have taught me so much about living life with authenticity. This one especially takes the cake, as it is a culmination of 12 years and 3 books of material on the topic. She presents it in an audiobook format and is always such a joy to listen to. I listened to the 6 hour length book non-stop on a solo road trip and was hanging on to every single word. In “The Power of Vulnerability”, Brown presents authentic stories, examples, and insights discovered throughout her years of studying the concept of shame. We are often conditioned to feel shame in being vulnerable. We may believe that the things that make us vulnerable are our weaknesses and should therefore be avoided. The author posits that our ability to be vulnerable is actually our greatest strength. But it requires confronting the toxic feeling of shame. This lets in experiences of connection, joy, creativity, and growth. These vulnerabilities are more like kryptonite to superman, our innate power comes from the very thing that makes us feel powerless. Exposing the truest, most authentic “you” is risky because the fear of rejection of that part of yourself is strong. But being accepted for who you are, flaws and all, can only happen when we take those risky moments of courage. Brown presents so many analogies to inspire the reader to live wholeheartedly.
Rosemary Spirit 