Do we ever really change? Are we doomed to repeat the same unhealthy patterns for the rest of our lives? We have the ability to rewire our brains and are constantly evolving. But how exactly do we start? There is something called the Transtheoretical Model or the 5 Stages of Change. First, we may recognize the area of our lives that is unhealthy or out of balance, but deny a need to identify it as a problem. This stage is called “Precontemplation”. In the second stage, “Contemplation”, we recognize that we might have a problem with a specific habit or behavior. However, we feel ambivalent and are not quite ready to let it go. We might not want to get rid of a crutch, like smoking cigarettes for example, but recognize that it is unhealthy for our respiratory system. We may not believe that we have the ability to change at this point. We may think, “I know I need to stop smoking, but I can’t right now. There’s too much stress in my life.” In stage 3, “Preparation”, we feel a readiness to start and begin taking actionable steps towards the life we want. We’re feeling more motivated at this point. We recognize that the “cons” of continuing old habits outweigh the “pros”. If smoking was the problem, we may begin to purchase nicotine patches or officially set a “quit date”. When we actually take those significant and planned steps, that stage is aptly named “Action”. This stage can be difficult work and it may take 3-6 months to form new habits. Progress isn’t linear and may take some repeated efforts and exposure to old cycles. There may be a relapse of old behaviors, which is an opportunity to learn about personal roadblocks or triggers. The final stage is sustained behavior change or “Maintenance”. It is possible and real to change your life, but it involves risks and hard work. It requires self-compassion, in recognizing that relapse might just be a part of the process. It is not a failure. It’s just another step toward lasting change.
I have experience as a substance abuse counselor, so I’m very familiar with the process of change. Our work involved identifying which stage the client came to us in (usually contemplation), then motivating and guiding them through the 5 stages. Personally, I recognized the ways in which my hopeless mentality was a problem. My fear, anxiety, and depression was running my life. I couldn’t deny it (pre-contemplation). I was forced to contemplate the necessary changes I would have to make to live a more fulfilled life, when I got COVID my first 2 weeks in my new home. I was miserably bed-ridden, with nothing but my own thoughts, my journal, and all of Bojack Horseman to binge-watch. At the end of my annoyingly lengthy quarantine, I was motivated. I began preparation – I made a plan, a list of my goals, habits to change, my ideal routine, and the vision I had for my future. This stage has been crucial as I continue through action. I have truly felt like a new person these past few months.
About 6 months ago, I made a huge change in my life… and around 4 months ago I made another big change. I moved to a new place, to start over. This past July, as the massive, pine trees sprawled on for miles, I questioned why I even considered moving to somewhere so remote in the first place. Did I have a Schitt’s Creek style fantasy of small town antics and southern hospitality? Or was I just seeking further isolation from a civilization I have always had issues trusting? My dad drove me home from the local Enterprise location, 30 minutes from his house, my new temporary residence on the path to independence. My father and I have had a pretty strained relationship up until this point. I had a mind-numbing migraine the whole time and contemplated if it was an omen telling me to turn back. Perhaps I wasn’t prepared for this step, that we would just continue to fight and butt heads. That I would cope with my usual bad habits. I worried that I was being too impulsive, which I can often be. His house is in a development directly across from a prison. Which surprised me, considering his past residency at one. My father assured me it would be closing soon. According to the local news, he’s right. They’ve been in the process of closing it for some years now, but there’s been delays due to the eventual loss of jobs. Hundreds of people forced to change their entire lives, being put on hold year after year. He hopes for it to be replaced with a mall. I do too. That would help with the job loss, plus it would allow for some entertainment. There’s not much else to do around here, besides touring a swamp or watching the trains pass by, But it was the place I needed to be, away from all of my worries and cloudiness of others’ opinions. It was the seclusion I needed in order to wake up to reality, figure out what needed to change, and actually begin to heal.
Sources and other helpful links:
Youtube – The Stages of Change Model
Rosemary Spirit 
This is a really interesting blog. Thanks for sharing!!
Feel free to read some of my blogs 🙂
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